Theory #5: Be as strong as you like, the loneliness will still be there before you fall asleep.

 You know you deserve better. You know it. But again you cannot help your self. You may distract yourself all day long, you may even manage not to think of that person but at those tender moments when you lie in your bed, alone, you feel as lonely as you didn't have the time to feel the rest of the day.

  I lied there, in my hotel beg, alone, at two in the morning. And I felt a longing as I closed my eyes for that guy to be there. In spite of everything. I just wanted him to be there and caress my hair, slowly, slowly, and lule me into sleep.
 
Instead I was lulled into sleep by a fantasy.

I thought I was making progress.

Instead I am driving my self to a dead-end.