*

I had
this horrible dream.
Where you came to find me
after years
and
the sight of you
was still excrutiating
and excrutiantingly
beautiful.

For a moment
I woke
and it was still real.

*

Of course
I felt the prickling,
recognised it for what it was.
Jealousy pooled in my stomach
at the sight of him
kissing the neck of his old lover.
Their giggling and shared intimacy
left me envious.

I still wonder
how do I not regret
letting him go.

I believe
old loves go to hell.
If you're lucky enough.

Suicidal thoughts

The other night
we sat at the bus stop
discussing
all the ways we had thought of
killing ourselves,
how stubborn I am about living
how often you think of
killing yourself.
It scared me
just how real
it was.

Sleep it off

I wonder what it says about a person
When they still ache for not touching another
A particular other
That they have chosen to cut off.


I've never regretted
My decision
Yet
It hurts
More than i thought.


I am not delusional enough
Not to see that.

However
I know I'll sleep this ache too off.

Bring it on

Sometimes I wish
there was not so much clarity.

I wonder if
it'd be easier
to go through life
in a mode of stupidity,
in a self-sufficient,
self-imposed, willful ignorance.

And then I think
how fucking boring.

Better see the wreckage
and choose the imperfection that suits you,
not let domr imperfection pick you.

Bright lights are always blinding
but I have faith
in my ability to figure out
the way to cure
the future burns.

Bring it the fuck on.

My scars will be the medals
that prove I lived.