Rambles

There was something that I wanted to say.
Something important.
Except it's forgotten now.
I didn't forget you though.
Well,
ain't that a tragedy?

All hail,
the beers.

Restless hours

There are those restless hours,
in the darkness of the night
mostly,
where I can't bear to be anywhere
especially
home.

I want to be around people
but I can't stand anyone
and there is this constant sense
of drowning.

I want to get the fuck out of here.

*

Every day
I drown a little more.

Seems I can't be around people
after all.

Touched.

He touched me.
It might be stupid
and one-sided,
but he touched me
in my soul.
And that's what matters.

How pathetic.

Saturday night mobile notes*

Drunk and dancing
best combination ever.
Except I still think of him.
I'm a sucker for bad habits you know.

*I wrote this while out on Saturday on my mobile - I was quite tipsy at the time. Thought of polishing it up a bit, then changed my mind.

Tonight I have no words for you

Tonight I had to stop myself from messaging him.
First time in a long time.
Well, three and something weeks
(a day).

And I didn't ask anyone to stop me,
'cause they couldn't even if they tried,
and it wasn't for my ego
that I didn't even try.

It was mostly becase
I didn't think I'd get anything
that would beat the silence.

Not you. Him.

“Yes, I was infatuated with you: I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn’t stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren’t having any of those.”

—

Sylvia Plath  I still think of you of course. Oops, my bad, I mean of him. I won't address him anymore. Where was I? Oh. Yes. I remembered.   I still think of him of course. Long before the night falls, even amidst the noise. And I want to message him, I do, But in all this time he has not bothered and I hate this clingy, needy part of me that wishes we'd just talk. So I decided since I have no way of knowing since I only know the facts I'll act accordingly and cut it all off. Like a wound it'll sting and it will leave scar tissue behind.   I've always been fond of scars.   "If you still talk about it it still matters." If I stop talking about will it stop mattering?