Coward

  You idiot. You pathetic snivelling coward. What on bloody Earth are you so afraid of? I finally mustered up the courage to ask Jen why she said you liked me that night. And she told me that she was a hundrent percent sure you liked me because of the way you were looking at me, moments before I saw you.
  I'm a romantic, alright? I believe that people's eyes say what their mouths won't. No wait. That has nothing to do with me being romantic. That's what I believe.
  So I am mad at you. Can someone please explain to me what it is about teenage boys that stops them from making a freaking move towards someone who isnot brainless and a skank? Because, let's be honest, that the kind of girls you are used to. And, though I don't mean to sound self-absorbed, I know I am above their league.
  So what is it god fucking damn it? Do I intimidate you? Does what you feel intimidate you? (Ok, what are the chances for that one?)
  Of course, in your defence, you are not the only one. Oh no. I was talking with Jen today. She told that a guy can be crazy about you and you know he is and when you try to kiss him he turns the other way. That's how teenage guys react. They may know what they want but they rarely pursue. Adult guys pursue even if they don't know what they want.
  Fuck you.
  Fuck you fuck you fuck you.
  Because I'm still here. And god damn it, you know I fancy you. I told you in the face, just like that. Why are you fucking with my head? Why are you such a coward? Make one bloody step. Risk damn it! Am I not worth the risk compared to all those skanks that you dated? (well, not all of them were). Am I not worth it?
  And meanwhile, that guy, who was supposed to be my friend, reminded me once more that he is into me. O h yes he did. He stated so in the birthday card he gave me. In the fucking birthday card. He wrote he hoped he had been a page in my diary or something. That I had been in his.
  I bit my tongue in order to keep my self from texting him that he had been a page in my diary.
  A bleak one.
  One that I'd rather I forgot.

 

Emilia