Yesterday feels a bit like a dream. The play was up. Being backstage, fussing over everyone, making sure they were dressed and make-uped in time. Hearing the clapping of the audience through the curtain that hid the backstage from them. Everything that could possibly go wrong going - things falling or breaking, small crises. And when I touched my head in tiredness you patting my head as you passed by. It was such a warm gesture. As if you were trying to tell me that everything was ok, we had everything under control.
And you calmed me down at that moment, you gave me strenght.
When that girl was trying to help you dress and somebody called her and she asked me to help you dress. It was almost ironic how perfectly we synchronised. I buttoned up your shirt and was the trying to put those suspenders in place while you were tugging your pants upwards in order to button them up. Or when you asked me a moment later whether I had put on you the suspenders. And I said yes and at that moment, that moment, one of them snapped and I sort of grabbed you and turned you around, catching the suspender and placing it back in place, cussing under my breath. And you found it so funny, my cussing. And then you went up the stairs and I was going to go down the stairs when you called me again and asked for a hat. I just grabbed a hat and threw it at you and you immediatelly caught it. You always catch what I throw at you, like that water I offered you.
And I also remember when you came down from the stage to take Mrs. L up and E and then you tugged me along, your hand on my waist. And when I nearly lost my balance going up the stage stairs you hand was there again, balancing me and pushing me slightly forward.
I still can't believe you changed in front of me.
Damn I wanted to kiss you.
I'm sorry but I can't be friends. If that's all we'll ever be than I'd rather not see you again. You give me too many emotions to be just a friend. 
Very well said, love. This is so true.
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