Theory #15: First kisses are clumsy.

  Which is understandable since you have not kissed someone before. And if someone tells you they're not always, they're lying. They are. 
  ALWAYS.

  Wow, this is the first post of 2012. And since it's a first post and I want to make a good start and all that, for once it will not be about that guy, or any old guy (well, I'll try to). 

  My first kiss was taken by a tall, dark stranger, in a bar(?), club(?) of Athens. Or is someone whose name you learned 30 minutes ago an acquintance? Never mind. Orpheus had my first kiss. Was it yesterday, or today? Today technically, it has been less than four hours. 

  I was actually surprised with myself. I simply asked him to dance (not with talking, with moving) and we started dancing, and then our bodies were pressed, and I kissed him on the neck, and the jawline and he kissed me on the lips. Full frontal french kiss. 

  It felt strange and I was clumsy (well, duh) and I bit him and he tasted well, of McFarland, my favourite beer, and I don't think I can describe this feeling. I was sober and yet I felt drunk, drunk with a different kind of intimacy than the one I'm used to. Drunk with the kind of intimacy that I crave.

  The irony of it all is that last March I didn't kiss with that Spanish guy at that club of Barcelona because I didn't want my first kiss to be with a stranger in a club. I'm pretty sure that somewhere, someone is laughing their head off at the moment. Yes, I know.

  It kind of was flawless, in the weirdest of ways.

  Looking bback at it, there's a certain melancholy that overcomes me. I know that I most likely will never see him again, but truly, I donot mind. The memory is enough. There were no feelings just need for intimacy. I wonder whether one-night-stands are done by lonely people who don't have, or don't want to have, someone to love.

  I wonder when I'll have that intimacy with someone again. Truly, I kind of miss it already. I wonder whether that makes me weak. Maybe so, but who cares? 

  The only moment I thought of that guy was to wonder how he would react if he had been there, if he had seen the whole thing. Lately he's been acting weird, especially while at talked with his friend, told him that there was no reason for him to bother to join him and the rest of the guys, he didn't want to disturb us. Whatever the fuck is wrong with you dude? We were just joking and teasing and talking with each other. And you're acting like you're... jealous? I'm not even sure anymore.

  And then during rehearsal, when you came I was talking with Vladimir, the younger brother of one of my friends, and you came to say hi to me especially. I'm not sure if you're trying to send me a message or whether you're simply retarded. It's been more than a year. I'm tired of this.

  Oh God, when did this turn into a post about him? 

  And then there's Vladimir, and lately we're slowly becoming friends. And Mary is getting jealous but she doesn't even know him and I think I'm fucking things up without even trying. I'm complicating them. I don't want them to get complicated but I think and I'm not sure whether I want to be right or wrong but I think that the way things are going, something might happen between Vladimir and I.

  Don't screw this up Emilia, seriously don't.

 Anyway, happy 2012. Time to set goals that will never come true.