That entire week felt like being lost in the woods. That's how it was being around him - like exploring territory half-known that in reality I had no idea what was hiding in it among the trees. It was a new experience to be around someone like this and being free to touch them. It was new to sleep so deeply next to someone else.
Yes, forest is the right word to describe what my life feels like in this period of time. I feel lost in the woods, sometimes I can't make out the stars in the sky. It's not just the man on whose side I slept. If only it were a one-dimensional thing. But the woods can spread either way around you, thick with greenery that shuts out the noise and sounds of beyond and soon you hear nothing else except for the sounds of the forest itself.
I feel like a spider, not in the ability to weave but rather in having many legs. One is placed firmly in the place I live at the moment, the other in the country I'm supposed to move to in a matter of days. For a job I hate in a country I dislike, all for the sake of buying out my freedom in a year from now. Or rather a shot at freedom.
There's another country, to the west, and in it there's a village, and in an old house on the outer side of the village lives a man and I both wish and dread being there with him. In my gut I know it's too early, I know we're not even ready for ourselves, let alone each other.
And there's a fourth country, I don't know which it is yet, but another where I could run away and be whoever whenever. In every place I feel a stranger, in passing, not quite material enough. I thought of woods and I figured perhaps, in a year from now, it would be nice to move to a quieter place for some time - for a few months, maybe a year. Not a vacation but a journey in a way.
More than a week, I hate single weeks, they are never quite enough.
I hope the job and the move work out for you. Very secretive. I want to say, and this is not being judgmental or negative. You write from a female perspective that is not colored by the illusions society wants us to believe. I am not sure if that makes sense to you, but that is the only way I can explain the impression I get from reading your words.
ΑπάντησηΔιαγραφήThank you for your wishes, I guess only time will tell.
ΔιαγραφήI think I understand what you mean (and how you wish to express it), I think there are many people who are very disillusioned with our time but perhaps not all have the space to explore and express that (or perhaps they have not found yet the tools to do that).
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