Just at the moment
slipping slyly in my brain
and nostalgia
there's no message to debate over sending
it doesn't even cross my mind.
Sometimes during the lonely
long days of quarantine
I scrolled all the way back
to your voice message
that you sent
after leaving me at the airport.
Just to remind myself
what you sounded like
when you loved me.
Now I wonder
was it me you loved
I won't miss you anymore
this time it felt easier
perhaps because your absence
was already mapped out
by experience.
All those years ago
you see
I was running in circles
banging my head
against invisible
invincible
walls.
I was running
in circles.
Until I resolved
to burn the maze
instead of tame it.
This time
there's a different flavour
in missing you
when I think I don't miss you anymore
a sudden memory comes backslipping slyly in my brain
and nostalgia
over
takes me.
I don't open our chat anymoreit doesn't even cross my mind.
Sometimes during the lonely
long days of quarantine
I scrolled all the way back
to your voice message
that you sent
after leaving me at the airport.
Just to remind myself
what you sounded like
when you loved me.
Now I wonder
was it me you loved
or my loving you?
Sometimes I thinkI won't miss you anymore
this time it felt easier
perhaps because your absence
was already mapped out
by experience.
All those years ago
you see
I was running in circles
banging my head
against invisible
walls.
I was running
in circles.
Until I resolved
to burn the maze
instead of tame it.
This time
there's a different flavour
in missing you
less desperate
more resigned.
I hope you find someone new. Your words always sound as if they are coming out of me and I know how it feels.
ΑπάντησηΔιαγραφήI suppose we all do eventually.
ΔιαγραφήA beautiful poem, as always. You reminded me of a passage from a Deborah Levy early novel: "I realized to be in love is to dream the other person instead of seeing them as they actually are."
ΑπάντησηΔιαγραφήThis person clearly made an impact on your life. It is his loss not to have you in his anymore. I don't know you, but from reading your writing, I see you are a thoughtful and sensitive writer.
Thank you for taking the time to write again. I truly appreciate it. And the quote you added struck a cord - it's one of my biggest fear both when I develop feelings for others as well as when they develop feelings for me.
ΔιαγραφήI'm not sure whether there's one who loses more than the other in these kinds of situations, still trying to resolve this within me.