*

i don’t know

or think

i don’t know if i want to fuck someone new

i don’t know if i just want the novelty 

the novelty of new flesh

new skin

new people 

the open end of possibility

as opposed

to the old

and

done for.

Lingering too much in the past - 

every pause is supposed to mean something 

but

all 

it means to me

is a new limit.

i feel that we are not allowed even this:

the newess of new 

bodies

versions of ourselves 

younger

and

more daring 

more

alive .

must i

be

one of you, 

in order to 

survive

there’s something to be said

about keeping 

the bile in